


Unexpected

by Willowy



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Do not post to another site, Drama & Romance, Episode: s14e15 Truth or Dare, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2019-12-30 18:34:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18320921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willowy/pseuds/Willowy
Summary: Episode tag for Truth or Dare. Spencer and JJ continue the conversation.





	Unexpected

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Неожиданное](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18500134) by [EdriNugise](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EdriNugise/pseuds/EdriNugise)



  
Three days. Three days since she'd confessed, since she had told him the truth. She sat at her desk in the bullpen, and glanced over at his empty desk. He was off helming another symposium, and she hadn't heard from him since Rossi's wedding.

It was unusual, and she missed him, but she understood. He was taking time to process. Ordinarily they'd talk or text every day, even when they were off work they sometimes met up for coffee or the park with the boys. Always in touch. She felt strangely alone without his contact, but again, she understood.

She had thought that she was going to die. That the moments she had left on this Earth were coming to a close, the UnSub's gun pointed at her head, and she had but seconds to share with him her most guarded, most intimate secret. It involved him, after all.

" _Spence… I've always loved you."_

His face, god his face. Stricken and surprised, yet loving and concerned all at once. She knew that in that moment, he was unsure if she was telling the truth or just indulging the UnSub as distraction. But she would never have used something so incredibly personal, so meaningful a truth as a simple throwaway distraction.  _"Oh Spence, I meant it alright. I've lived with it for 14 years."_

And then he had saved her life. He killed the killer, escaping from his bonds and pulling out a gun from an ankle holster nobody had known that he wore. In the immediate aftermath, neither of them had known how to act, how to be near each other. This new thing that was between them now, this very big deal, required silence and a little distance, and both of them knew and accepted that, instinctively.

She'd gone up to him at Rossi's wedding, ostensibly to thank him for saving her life even though she knew it was unnecessary. He'd kept his distance from her and Will, and she approached, really, to check him out. To gauge how he was doing, and to see if there was any… hurt, or resentment. To measure what he was feeling, good or bad.

He had been sweet, of course, even kind. His voice so softly pitched and that look, that look in his eyes that he reserved for her alone. She returned it, because she couldn't not. But he was okay… he said he was okay… and what else could she do but walk back to Will.

And Will. Her husband. She wouldn't tell him this, would never tell him this. Not after all the sacrifices he'd made to be with her, not after he stayed with her through all her refusals, her absences, her rejections and dismissals. She would never love him as she loves Spence. But therein lied the connection – he didn't expect her to.

Will took JJ as a whole, just as she was, and everything and everyone she encompassed. He was as deeply in love with her as she was not with him, and he accepted that as the price to pay so that they could make a life, and a family, together.

So she stayed, and she pulled Spence into her life with all her might and held fast. Held him as tightly as she could and made him her family in the only way left open to her.

* * *

Spencer moved through the last 3 days with a weariness borne of spent adrenaline. The symposium went well, as usual, and his students were attentive and eager. There had been Rossi and Krystall's wedding, and there had been the UnSub. All within a sparse handful of days. The Unsub had been killed, Spencer himself had killed him. But before that JJ had been forced to confess a truth. A truth that he'd wanted to hear for 15 years, would have given anything to have heard, under different circumstances.

Circumstances.

Complications.

Why couldn't anything in his life ever be easy? Why couldn't he just go to her, love her… and she him? He knew why, of course. He was all too aware of what stood between them.

They had always known, on some level, but had never gone there, had never explored the feelings that were sometimes, to him, overwhelming. But comforting too, in that he knew they were endless. He would always love her, and now he knew by her own admission that she has loved him back. Always.

And what to do with that?  _"Now, what?"_  kept reverberating through his head. Could he see himself making a life with her, moving forward with her and the boys? Of course. Of course he could. He'd thought of little else for a large portion of his adult life. But those had always been fantasies, and the reality of it was that she already has a husband. That she has Will.

Spencer liked him, a lot, in fact. But Will to him had always been a background player in their lives, earning his courtesy whenever he'd show up at a function with JJ, or respect on his own as a brave and intuitive law enforcement officer. But Reid had never been able to see any permanence with them. Never was able to see any passion flare between them, unless it came to arguing about JJ's job, which Spencer bristled at. Don't even think for a second you're taking JJ from me. I mean us.

I mean me.

So yes, the question at hand. How to move forward? They needed to have a conversation. Several conversations. Letting it fall by the wayside wasn't an option. This would be in the air between them now, until they made a decision, together. Spencer knew he would acquiesce to whatever Jennifer ultimately wanted… but he also knew that he would make his feelings known, in no uncertain terms. He had earned that. With her admission had come the right for him to make his own. The thin layer of pretense that there was nothing between them was gone now, had evaporated the moment she looked into his eyes and told him.

He'd never forget that moment. How it simultaneously shook and elated him, how he stopped breathing. Until the next moment when the doubt crept in. Was this all just a distraction? When it was over, standing by the police car getting his torn hand wrapped, he stole a glance at her. No. She would never use him like that. There were hundreds of things she could have made up if she wanted to distract the killer – a fatal illness, a betrayal, any other obvious lie – she would never have confessed her love if she wasn't sure. She told the truth.

* * *

He stood at the counter at his favorite local coffee joint, his favorite barista creating his favorite blend. He thanked her and admired her sweet blush as she handed him his order.

"There you are, Dr. Reid, just like you like it."

"You're a genius, Maia. What would I do without you?" He smiled.

Her blush deepened as she replied "Let's not find out."

He dropped a fiver in her tip jar as he turned to go. He was about to leave when he felt someone looking at him, and he turned back to see JJ standing at the back of the coffee line. He swallowed, and he smiled at her, catching her eye.

She stood there looking small, her arms folded, and she blinked under his gaze, fidgeting. She gave a small wave and looked away, unsure.

He cleared his throat and approached her, as she turned her gaze to meet his.

"Hi."

She couldn't help but smile, and said "Hey, Spence."

"What are you doing here?" he asked, his voice almost a whisper.

"Oh, I thought I'd stop in and grab a cup before work, you know..."

"I always bring your coffee," he gently reminded her.

"I know, I know, but it's your first day back and I didn't know if..."

"You didn't know if I'd bring you the usual?"

She nodded.

He offered her one of the two cups he held and said "Why wouldn't I?" His eyes twinkling at her obvious discomfort.

She looked at the offered coffee and relief flooded through her. She'd been so nervous about seeing him, and damn if he didn't do the sweetest thing, the one small thing to show her that all was well, all was normal. She smiled then, taking it from him.

He placed his now empty hand at the small of her back and said "Hey why don't we sit for a sec?"

JJ nodded as she led the way to a front table by the window. They both sat, and as their eyes met a ripple of emotion shimmered between them.

Spencer knew they didn't have all day, that they needed to get going. He took a breath to say something, not knowing just what, but he wanted to break the ice, when instead she said-

"I meant it."

He exhaled slowly, his eyes never leaving hers. He nodded. He knew.

"I meant it and I'm not sorry. And now… Spence, now… I don't know where we go from here."

She reached across the table for his hand, he grabbed it and held tight, his heart rate speeding up.

"Please tell me what you're thinking," she breathed. "What are you feeling?"

She searched his face, his warm, beloved hazel eyes searching her own, as well.

He reluctantly let go of her hand, leaning back into the chair. He reached for his coffee, taking a sip, stalling. He knew that what he said next would be important, a defining moment in what was to be their future as friends, as more… and as she was his most beloved person in the world, he knew he would never lie to her. He began…

"When you said it, when you admitted it in front of the UnSub, it hit me like a… brick wall. And then my shield came up, automatically, like there was no way I could believe it was real. It had to be a ruse for his benefit. But then, I looked into your eyes, I saw the fear, and the… love. And I knew you would never in a million years say something like that to me unless it was true. You'd never risk letting me even consider that possibility for a second if you weren't being completely honest."

She swallowed, her eyes filling with tears. She nodded, pressing her lips together, and her hair fell into her face much like it had that night when she'd confessed.

His heart in his throat, he said, "JJ, you have to know that I've loved you almost since the day we met. It's never left me, never. It was set aside for a time, because it needed to be set aside… but I've always loved you and I don't see that ever going away. I just never thought that your feelings would ever match mine."

She nodded again, closing her eyes. "And that was my fault, it was. I held you at arms length while keeping you as close as I possibly could. I should… Spence I should've told you so long ago. I'm so sorry, I..." she dropped her head and he could see her tears flowing down her cheeks.

He grabbed her hand again and said "Look, no, no… it was just how everything went, how everything happened. JJ you're the most important person in my life and just look at what we have! Would I turn back that clock and make everything different if I could? Maybe, maybe… but what we have is beautiful and, and… I just don't see how we can change it. I'm afraid of damaging it, somehow."

She lifted her head and impatiently wiped her eyes. She raked her hand through her hair and blew out her breath before taking in a deep one, and slowly releasing it. Spencer just watched her, giving her time.

She met his eyes and shook her head, then looked out the window. "I know. But there's so much more I want to say. I feel like we've barely scratched the surface. I need to share so much more with you and I know you have more you want to tell me, too."

"Yes."

"I feel like there's this urgency now. That now that you know, I have to say it all, show you, tell you everything," she said.

"I understand that feeling, I feel it too. I just don't know how much more I want to actually know, if it will never make one bit of difference in our lives. What good will the knowledge do me, do us, if nothing ever comes from the knowing of it?"

"You see, this is why I need you, why I told you. I've been living with this secret all this time, never knowing what to do with it. Spence, help me. Tell me you hate me, or that I need to run off and leave Will… something extreme so that we can see it for what it really is."

"And what is it?" he said, his eyes alight, his voice soft.

She leaned back in the chair. "Oh, you're just enjoying this, aren't you?"

Spencer sighed, leaned his elbows on the table and made eye contact. "A little bit, yes. I've known I've felt this way about you for such a long, long time. I have to say, it's a little gratifying to see you struggling with it, some."

She grabbed her purse and got up. "Glad I could amuse you," she said as she headed for the door.

He followed her out and said "Please wait." He grabbed her elbow and she turned to face him. He regretted being so glib just then. He'd had a lot of practice dealing with all of this, and she had not.

"I'm not minimizing this, I'm not," he said. I know what's at stake, and I, believe me, I know how powerful these feelings are. Right now we're here together and we're talking about being in love and… it means everything to me. But it's a stolen moment. Our whole relationship is stolen moments, making time for each other and I just… can I just be happy about it? Do we have to figure it all out right this minute?"

She saw nothing but honesty in his expression and she pulled him to her, her arms encircling his shoulders, her hand in his hair.

Their embrace was different, this time. It felt deeper, like he didn't have to let go. His arms went around her for the thousandth time, but this time it was something else, something more.

She leaned into him, her fingers tangling in the soft curls at his collar, her cheek warm against his as she closed her eyes and pulled him closer. His clean, familiar scent made her feel so solid, so warmed, so  _home._  She pulled back, a little dazed and looked into his eyes, his pupils huge with emotion.

"Spence," she whispered, her mouth was so close to his, so close she could feel his warm, rapid breath caressing the soft skin of her lips and she felt like her feet weren't touching the ground.

He took her in, all of her, her vivid eyes, her silky hair, her soft mouth less than an inch from his own and he felt drunk. He no longer knew where he was except that he was with her, and he didn't care. His heart slammed against his chest as he responded to her dizzying nearness.

He bent to her, finally, nearly capturing her mouth with his own, when a little Girl Scout, her arms loaded with cookie boxes, bumped into them, tripping on a curb.

They laughed, and JJ reached out to steady the little girl, as Spencer quickly bent to pick up her dropped boxes. A wry look passed between them then, the spell of the moment broken.

"We're so sorry!" JJ said to the Girl Scout, "Here, let me help you set up..."

The girl's mother arrived and said "Kelly, what happened?" and they all started talking at once. No harm done, Kelly's smile returned, and Spencer drew a crazy dinosaur on her sign so she would remember running into her new friends the FBI agents.

JJ said "Walk me to my car?" she smiled up at him, the light breeze tossing her hair.

He nodded, and returned her smile. She hooked her arm through his as they turned to go. Neither of them noticed the nondescript police vehicle parked across the street, but the driver had noticed them, had witnessed the whole scene play out. Riveted.

Detective William LaMontagne Jr. had also needed coffee this morning.


End file.
